This just goes to show that no matter how impressive the lizard, pussy is still better.

Given the opportunity, one of the things people find most perplexing about me is how much animals love me. Be it the angriest dog or the most shy housecat, or even wild animals such as deer or tigers, they show little fear and seek out my attention like I’m an old friend they’ve known for years. Unless they’re ferrets.

For whatever reason, as soon as I near one, even the most docile of ferrets will turn ferocious, seeking blood from the closest jugular vein they can attach themselves to, whether it belongs to me or the poor bastard holding them.

Ferrets are evil, and I know this. And I’m sure I’m not the only one…

If animals could talk, you just know they’d prove that the F-bomb is sometimes warranted. (NSFW lanuage)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eghtvf_PoT0

So I came up with this ridiculous story about how I kicked the dog and how it was pissing everywhere and barking and what an asshole I am.  The kicker was that I don’t have a dog and that I was at my neighbors house.  Well, after getting through the second sentence I came to realize that only an asshole would find that kind of shit funny.  So what does that make me?  Not this asshole – that’s for sure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_KBs3znjWs

This guy is surely one of the World’s Biggest Asshats…

     It’s no big secret I haven’t been reading a lot of other blogs for a while.  It’s not because I’m a selfish ass, it’s just about time.  Well, that, and that I can’t find an RSS reader I like.  Quite honestly, I wish I had a nipple on my ass just for Google Reader.  While it works well for many, I have nothing but problems with it.

     I’ve been hitting a lot of tangent reads, however, while looking at stats, and I’ve come across some that are just fit right in with my own twisted sense of humor.

      FU, Penguin is absolutely brilliant.  As an animal lover, I just can’t help but look at the beautiful pictures, and think about all the wonderful things this author has to say about each one of God’s creatures.  It just warms my heart, and sometimes, even gives me a woody. I love this blog so much, that I may actually buy the book rather than downloading it from Limewire.

     I found this next blog due to some 17-year-old prick from Michigan writing a crap article about the Ten Five Worst Blogs Ever.  Apparently, his math skills were as bad as his authorship.  I think it comes from buying too many fake drugs from 8 Mile.  So STFU, kiddo.  Eminem you are not.  And neither is Eminem.
     And thus is the introduction to one of my new favorite reads, The Worst SEO Blog Ever!, however SEOHack hasn’t written in days because he’s too busy microblogging stupid shit on Twitter.  If he could pull his head out of his rectum for five minutes, I’d actually like to have a chat with him, because, as the blog suggest, his SEO Blog is tremendously poor, while his SEO Skill is extremely high.  Irreverent, intelligent, and insightful as it may not be, I thoroughly enjoy reading it.

     And while we’re on the subject of finely attuned, irreverent link-whores, we certainly can’t forget our good friend Fracas, who’s closed her old wordpress.com blog in favor of her own domain so that she can put up ads to her heart’s — and pocket book’s — delight.
     Don’t spend all those pennies in one place, Fracas, mah dear.  I mean, seriously, one good Snickers bar, and the blog fund will be broke all over again. 😉

     Ahh, the Internet is a fun place.

     Good night, and good luck.